Ever get that pit of uncertainty in your stomach? The one that makes you a bit queasy and uneasy? I have learned that is my anxiety talking directly to me. For the last few weeks, I have consumed three or more cups of coffee daily, fell off my nutritional plan, picked up my work load (and most likely will be picking up more), gone on a hunt for an apartment, and the list goes on. All while still recording and editing a podcast and vlog, and trying to maintain relationships (which seems to be flailing). I am officially integrated into western society's ideal work life...(where's the Charlie Brown UG! meme when you need one?). People will say, "That's adulting!", "That's life!". But is it?
While coming to grips with this pattern of reality, I wonder who made up these rules? At what point was working your tail to the ground the only way to make it? My friend often tells me that once I move into my own place I should get a pet, and while I pleasantly ponder this idea, I instantly think "Girl when the hell am I gonna have time to spend with a dog?", and "who is gonna pay vet bills, and food"? I'm barely gonna skate by for myself once this move is official.
I'd really like to find the balance of it all while understanding that change is constant, and that I have to be able to adjust even though I feel my entire life has been adjusting. Adjusting is a reality. I've had to adjust most noticeably and recently to the changes in relationships with friends. Folks I usually kick it with aren't around as much, text messages are more and more delayed or aren't even returned. And calling? What the hell is that? I totally admit I play a hand in these modules as well, but I deeply feel the impact. Is this a result of all the adulting having to go on in our lives?
I made a comment to a friend yesterday as she invited me to an event (already having had a very busy day planned), and it triggered a response in me that almost had me in tears. I'd said "I am trying my best to accommodate everyone's requests, and am just trying to do the best I can". I felt I needed to apologize for not being able to be available at their request, and that bothered me. Sounds like I need to learn how to set boundaries right? Or just learn how to be okay with saying I'm not able to do this.
In my phrase of the year, "I say that to say this", We are all booked and busy, that is the truth. And it doesn't seem like overworking will let up anytime soon, but give yourself permission to take a few breaths, have that moment of silence, cry, express, create, self-care, however your outlet releases. It's also perfectly fine to log off. I'm gonna take a page from my own advice book here and see how well I can apply these theories in my own life. Make your own rules ya'll!